Flux
by Lonelygoatherd
Summary: "Flux, n. The natural state. Our moods change. Our lives change. Our feelings for each other change. Our bearings change. The song changes. The air changes. The temperature of the shower changes. Accept this. We must accept this." Kurt reflects on his relationship one week after Blaine visits in New York. Made as a one-shot but may add more.


**_Flux, n._**

_"The natural state. Our moods change. Our lives change. Our feelings for each other change. Our bearings change. The song changes. The air changes. The temperature of the shower changes._  
_Accept this. We _must_ accept this."_

Kurt Hummel never imagined a life without Blaine. From that first kiss at Dalton, to that first night in Blaine's bed, to their first win at Nationals. Kurt's future always held a place for Blaine. When Kurt's imagination wandered off during a boring lesson in class, or if he had a bad day, he'd always imagine his life with Blaine. They'd get a small apartment in New York, first. They'd decorate it with pastel colors and have a useless knick-knack in every room. They'd visit thrift shops and spend too much money on drapes they'd hate in two weeks and buy a china set they'd never need. Eventually something would happen in their life, whether it be Kurt making it on Broadway or Blaine getting a record deal, or something, and they'd finally be where they wanted to be in life. They might have kids, or they might not, it all revolved around what life threw at them, but Kurt would be lying if he said he didn't imagine holding a beautiful baby with Blaine's curls or Blaine crying over a little girl with Kurt's eyes. They'd end up living their lives, and they'd end their lives a la nursing home style, spending their old age in each other's company and reminiscing on how amazing their lives were. The future was always a place where Kurt could go when he felt unhappy, or felt like life wasn't going in the right direction, because he always had Blaine there to love and support him. When he lost the election, when he didn't get into NYADA, when disappointment after disappointment all came rolling Kurt's way, he always had Blaine to cheer him up and encourage him to keep going, to keep trying.  
When Kurt thought about the future now, he had a bitter taste in his mouth and his head began to ache. His internship at was something to be commended, and he'd finally made it in New York with his best friend and confidant, but the string of betrayal hit every nerve in his body, and right now he couldn't relish in his accomplishments or think about how far he'd come; any thought about the future at this moment would only bring back the anger and hurt.

Kurt was a planner. Even before his mother died, he made sure he knew what he was doing and when. Before he went to bed, he'd always plan which Power Ranger was going to marry which the next day. He knew what he was going to have for breakfast the moment he woke up. He always coordinated his outfits at least a week in advance. As he got older, and grew lonelier, his plans become more intricate. He planned on moving to New York after he graduated; college or not. He planned on making it on Broadway, _that _you could count on. He planned on making it through high school without committing homicide. And he planned on always making his father proud. After Blaine came into his life, he planned on being the most loyal, sweet, fulfilling boyfriend there was. He planned on marrying him one day, and he planned on doing everything he wanted to do with his lover at his side.  
What Kurt _hadn't_ planned on was the inevitability of the eventual downfall of teen romance. Kurt never planned on that, for himself and Blaine. Kurt doubted Finn and Rachel would last past high school- their differences were too evident and their needs as people too diverse. Kurt never saw anything with Mercedes and Sam lasting longer than it had, either, and never would the idea of Quinn in a relationship with anyone from New Directions long-term even cross Kurt's mind. But Kurt never once doubted the strength of his and Blaine's relationship, never had he thought three weeks and a couple of missed phone calls would result in Blaine doing the unthinkable. How could he do that Kurt? Why was Blaine the only lonely one here? Blaine still had his family, Blaine still had New Directions, and he'd had Kurt all summer. Three weeks apart were nothing compared to what many people had to endure, and if anything, a cheap plane ticket for an hour and a half flight was all it took for either person. Why hadn't Blaine seen that?  
Kurt had considered their relationship may become strained. But he had just never seen_ that_ coming.  
A tear slid down Kurt's cheek as all of his emotions came pouring over him.  
It was a rainy evening on a depressing Wednesday, and Rachel was out with Brody. Kurt was grateful. It was nice having her there when he needed someone to talk to, but right now he just wanted to be alone. It'd been a week after that horrible first night with Blaine in New York, and after Blaine hadn't come down to see him all morning, Kurt felt a mixture between annoyance and sadness. He'd left to go wander around Central Park and wallow. After Rachel phoned to tell him she was grabbing a flight to Lima, and quickly rushed out something about Blaine going too, Kurt mumbled a "good luck" and hung up. Since then, Blaine had called a cumulative 15 times and Kurt had not answered a single one. Right now, he felt like he needed to be alone with his thoughts.  
What was it they needed? Obviously Kurt had been on a separate page about, well, almost everything, if Blaine…cheated on him. _God, why was it so hard to conjure up that word?_  
Did they need a temporary separation? Did they need to call it off, at least until Blaine graduated? Did they need to go full-out Finn style and cease communication? Kurt couldn't think straight, too much change was happening and he couldn't handle it. He didn't want this to be happening. He wanted to be happy. He wanted something good to happen to him. Why was it that every time he thought he was catching a break, something made his life shit? He won first place in the talent show, and the next night his mother dies in a car crash. He gave up the solo he wanted in Glee Club for his dad, he tries to have a fun Friday night and his father has a heart attack, he gets a new friend and gets kissed by someone he hates, his dad gets married and he has to transfer schools, he loses the lead in the school play and student body president, he wins Nationals but gets rejected by NYADA, he gets a to-die-for internship and his boyfriend cheats on him…  
It seems like every time change happens in Kurt's life, it had to go full out. It couldn't just be one good thing or one bad thing, he had to have two life altering things happen, one good and one bad. For once, just once, he wanted things to be good, and stay good for a while.  
The rain was slowly letting up and Kurt was slowly letting go. He knew he didn't have a good picture of where his relationship was right now, but he knew that trying to keep it while living a good distance apart and balancing an important internship was next to impossible. He loved Blaine, and while he knew that the past year and a half was something beautiful he'd never forget, the words "first love" that Rachel had so often found herself repeating when she asked Kurt why Finn hadn't talked to her yet started to pop into his head, he also knew that keeping this relationship right now would surely have problems for both sides. The anger and hurt and betrayal Kurt felt was exceeding dangerous amounts, and he didn't want to act on those feelings and do something he'd regret, or give into his other emotions of guilt (why was he guilty? He had been breaking enough rules as it was talking on the phone during work) and depression and take Blaine back when that obviously wouldn't work. Kurt needed some distance for now, and obviously Blaine needed something like that, if only to deal with his himself and work on his feelings. Kurt knew that distance would be good for both of them, and even if his head wasn't completely clear and he was very emotional, he accepted that changing would be for the better, at least for now.

* * *

AN: Hello, everyone! This first started out as a one-shot based on a quote by David Levithan; however(!), as I was writing this, I decided that not only could this be used as a Klaine break-up one-shot, but I could include other couples, fast-forward to the future, etc. I'm not sure where I want to go with this yet, but that's the exciting thing! It could lead us anywhere! Regardless, as this is just in the beginning stages, I encourage you to give me suggestions and send me ideas. Give me prompts or song lyrics or situations, anything! Thank you all for viewing, and let's get through this hiatus with brave faces and good fics!


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